And Now

 

And Now

 

This is not what I came here for.

There is something else.

Just letting you know that I am here

Just letting you know that I am.

I have been reading your literature,

I have been watching your show

I am not buying in,

I am not going there

I am starting out in a different direction.

I am not following you.

Thanks, but no thanks.

Go ahead

I’m staying here

And now

 

Jkf

1/31/2022

Ready?

 

I’m getting ready..

It’s what I do.

It’s January and you know what that means!

What? No. Not a new year’s resolution, sorry. Not sorry.

I am getting ready again. Every day. Again.

 

What is it with you Americans?

Every year celebrating something that doesn’t exist.

New Year’s day? You mean a new year?

Well that could happen on January 18^th.

February 23^rd.

March 11^th

April 23^rd.

Why January 1^st?

But it's not a year...

it's a day. One.

 

Never mind.

If it needs explaining, just never mind.

 

I’m getting ready. For what, you ask?

Now. That’s it. Now

There is no holiday.

Made up.

There isn’t any day more important than this.

 

I refuse to compare

I refuse to complain

I refuse to celebrate one over the other

 

People

Countries

Days.

I am getting ready for now

And now

And now

By being here and now.

If you don’t understand me

You don’t

I am

Ready

Time For This

 

Allovit

 

There isn’t time for allovit

Yet I add it to the list

The planning every dinner time

The cooking and the lot

I hope to get it done

The cleaning and the dirt

The drinking and the pot

They tell me that I can

Create the life I want

Success and my career

I've got to write it down

The kids and school

The work and love

Prepare me for the worst

The fright and fail

The win and quit

What no one ever tells

Candles and the quiet time

Friends that I could call

Making sure I live my life

Planning and vacation

Arriving and return

The details all a blur

The food the sex

At home or out

Most people claim they do

The cars and gifts

The clothes we wear

The pain of age and atrophy

And every other ill

That no one will admit

The music heard at each event

My eyes still try to read

The things the body does

Our ancient self

Our younger we

The all of everything

The sleep that hides out in the dark

The walking in a daze

The secret never passed

And here we are now at the start

As if we have the map

And yet there’s time for this.

 

JKF

12/5/2021

Gra-Fight

 I've got a pencil-ache, 

It's like a head-ache

But I feel it in my pencil...

I'm sure it will get better.

But for now I feel like lead.

JKF

6/18/21

Mary

Born on this day in ‘39

Loved by so many, mother mine

Some say she’s gone, it’s not my style

‘Cause deep in my heart I feel her smile

jkf

4/26/20

The Light That Breaks

The Light That Breaks

Will you care for me, my self when I am older?

Can I count on you my heart, when I am feeble?

Oh, my dear that lives in fear, can I trust you to believe?

Will you sit with me and save my soul, my love, when I am weary?

Will you be there as I die, and will you cry?

Can I know how much pain you’ll carry, my strength, when I am weak?

In the darkness of my passing, can I feel your love?

Is the light that breaks the silence, all I need to know?

JKF

8/17/18

Silence

It’s just me being me but I am wondering who I am.

There’s no answer so before you speak silence.

I’ve been trying to reply all day and the void is swallowing my voice.

I’m here, I’m okay, I don’t know what the fuck is going on.

I’m like this most days.

How about you?

Jkf

10/30/17

 Weight of Decay

I arrived at the alter expecting to bleed,

In silence I waited, believing the need.

Left cold and alone with no hand to hold,

The prayer began, without being told.

In fear of my death I brace for the answer,

Alone in the stillness, accepting the cancer.

There must be a river of life I can drown,

I scream for relief and follow it down.

Gone from the chapel, walking the streets,

I’m beaten and bloodied still shrouded in sheets.

Surrender to breathing to sate my desire,

I’ve fallen once more to the heart of the fire.

Jkf

10/14/17

Pure is

A quiet moment holds my heart,

You're near and I can sense it.

Above all else a calm emerges,

My soul relaxes.

This

Is

How love feels.

You and I are much the same,

We sleep when god is present.

In gratitude a smile expresses,

The joy my heart is in.

This

Is

How love lives.

Pure

Peace

Pleasure.

You and I share love.

JKF 10/12/17

sanguis in manibus

Sweet the shame burns deep my heart attacks
sour my eyes and nose as breathing seems to slide
down through my skin a shiver and revolt
sadness lives between my lies

I'm used to shame and used to fear
I'm close relations to the sign
I've never been the lucky one
and always felt the pain.
So why should I pretend to live
A happy life that never was
So why can't I take my revenge
On those of you who gave me breath.

I'm only giving back your gifts
I'm only shooting you
What did you think would happen when
you've pushed me to the end

No excuse when you fed me poison
You are the ones that made me vile
There's no return from torture's hand
When once it has begun
Punish me with all your venom
Sit me at your fire
But know that when I free myself
Your blood is all I see

I've felt the shame, the heat of loss
You've given false report
My weapon came from your your abuse
My finger pulled your pulse

Will be no recompense for us
We are not coming back
We live as human beings free
from one another not
What I repair, we all regret
and no one is exempt.

jkf
10-7-17